It is the middle of a night
And my son is still awake
Because he cannot sleep.
In the living room he sees
A spider. And he calls out
To me. Saying the word bee
Because he cannot. Cannot
Say the word spider yet and
I show him how to capture
A spider with a cup. And I
Am holding my one hand
Over the open part.
Unlocking and opening a
Door with my other hand.
Telling my son wait or now.
Before moving my hand and
Letting it go.
Released I say.
And the word released is
releasing into darkness.
The darkness of a night
With a sky that stretches
Where I ask my son and
Maybe Jupiter because
He is seven and he likes
Planets. And he tries to
Say the word Jupiter or
How he says a word that is Jupiter
But sounds. Sounds nothing like it.
And we go outside. Go
Outside because we are
Awake or because
The sky is. And this is how.
How I take his hand and
Say outside. Where we
Lie on our backs in dark
Grass. Blades of grass that
Twist against our skin. Skin
Of our arms and necks and
Hands and legs and feet. And
My son points up to the sky
And says purple and I know
He means this. That the sky
Is purple. Even though.
Even though it is night.
And I tell him about airglow.
How it is radiation
From the atmosphere that
Makes the sky light up and
I say words like atoms and
Molecules. How there are
Solar photons and cosmic
Rays and how it all emits
And glows and
My son is silent.
How he hears me
But cannot speak.
How he is listening but he
Cannot say. Say what he is
Thinking.
And I try to imagine what
The inside of his brain is
Like. How it is filled with
Words and phrases and
Sentences that
Collect like particles and
Paragraphs and
Form the thoughts that
He cannot say yet. How
They are thoughts
I do not know yet.
That are trapped
And held captive inside
His brain like that.
And I am turning my head
Or how the blades of grass
Are moving under my head
Like snakes. Snakes that are
Lying beneath me and I am
Turning to make sure he is
Still here. My son. Still and
Next to me.
And I tell him to remember.
To always remember how
A night falls. To remember
This night and airglow.
How it is never really dark.
How there is always light
Being released from
Somewhere.